20 Peter turned and saw that the disciple whom Jesus loved was following them. (This was the one who had leaned back against Jesus at the supper and had said, “Lord, who is going to betray you?”)
21 When Peter saw him, he asked, “Lord, what about him?”
22 Jesus answered, “If I want him to remain alive until I return, what is that to you? You must follow me.”
My morning bible reading this morning was John 20 and in reading this I had an “Ah Ha” moment. This is a personal instruction from Jesus to me, not just a story about Jesus instructing Peter. Jesus is teaching me that I should not care about or pay attention to what others are given or called to do, but to focus on gratitude for what I am given and what I am called to do.
Every lesson in the bible is a personal instruction to me (and you, of course) in what God expects us to be and to do and in many cases how to conduct ourselves.
In my present situation it seems that bad deeds are being rewarded and improper behavior is successful. This was exactly the passage I needed to read right now, I needed to be reminded that I should not pay attention to what gifts God gives to others even when it seems that evil (in my opinion) is being rewarded with God’s favor. I need to let go of comparing what I have been given with what others have.
God has blessed me in so many ways, with family that is not only supporting me emotionally through this crisis and providing me with a place to live, but also with love and caring – not to mention time with two of my grandchildren who just don’t care about anything beyond Grandpa is here with us.
God has fixed my transportation problems. Yes, I now have car payments, but they are within my budget and I am secure that God will show me how to handle that comfortably too.
God has introduced me to several very nice ladies and seems to be putting others into my life so that I will have options and the chance to learn how to have a relationship with women after being with just one for nearly 20 years. With a wife, I got used to sharing everything openly, while with dates that is exactly the wrong thing to do and it takes practice to change my behavior. God is putting these people in my live so that I can get that practice.
While it seems to me that everything is taking far longer than I would like, and I get frustrated by that, in truth it is all happening at the speed God has approved. The old story that “God isn’t finished with me yet” may be true in more than one way. Not only is God still refining me, I may have to wait for God to finish with the other person he has planned for me to meet!
That is true not just for a companion. God is still refining the work he wants me to do and all the other things he has for me including a place to live and the income to support it.
That certainty doesn’t seem to make the wait any easier, in fact in some ways it may even make it harder, but wait I must and I can either wait calmly or be agitated but either way, wait I will. Trusting in God to provide on his schedule and to give me enough of his peace that I don’t go charging off and make things worse while I should be quietly waiting.